The Day Counselling Didn't Work
by NowAskYourself-WhatWouldLokiDo
Summary: Loki and Sigyn decide to go for a much needed counselling session well the Avengers take a break from social networking. Includes an Avatar obsessed counselor and the God of Thunder... Reposted


**Suggested by Shulamith Bonderovsky, I present to you another one-shot. It's centered around Loki and Sigyn. **

**BTW I'm hoping to have a new chapter up for Avengers and Social Networking but I currently have an injury in my wrist so updates may be slow.**

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**The Day Counselling Didn't Work**

"Ok, do you two mind telling me why you're here?" A woman in her mid thirties scribbled on a clipboard. Loki squirmed uncomfortably beside Sigyn on the disgustingly colored orange couch. The couch seemed to smell suspiciously like sweat and tears but Loki ignored it.

"Cause she's messing with my life!" Loki through his hands up for emphasis.

"Oh so this is my fault?" Sigyn growled. Loki slowly turned his head to face her, a look of 'are you kidding me?' sketched on his pale features.

"Do you know how hard it is to recruit the newest alien race or plan any ideas of mass destruction with her around?" He pointed at her face. Sigyn fought the urge to slap him. The woman looked up from her clipboard after scribbling something that look strangely like Pikachu.

"Oh please. You're pathetic," Sigyn grumbled crossing her arms. Loki gaped at her before biting his lip in an attempt to keep himself silent. He had more honor than to sputter the choice words that crossed his mind.

"I think I'm starting to see the problem," The woman nodded and placed her clipboard on her lap trying her best to cover up her drawing or as she liked to call it, 'work'.

"I've resulted to Kijiji! Because that's the only place I can recruit without her interrupting or offering poisoned coffee to the female applicants! My latest recruit was a 15-year-old that knows how to play Black Ops Zombies!" Loki cried. He buried his face in his hands and mumbled something about stupid teens and arrogant wives.

"And he's still more of an efficient fighter then icy," Sigyn grumbled, pointing at her husband.

"Excuse me?" Loki growled clenching his fists. The counselor looked back and forth awkwardly, slowly reaching for the bottle of wine on her desk.

"Ok. How about we get off this topic and start the counselling? The woman laughed nervously. Both Loki and Sigyn looked up menacingly.

"Good idea," Sigyn growled.

"Do you mind telling me about yourselves?" The woman held up her clipboard. Loki blinked at the question.

"Well I'm Sigyn of..." Sigyn began.

"Loki of Asgard- I mean Jotunheim. Though you may call me your king," Loki interrupted his wife. He placed his hand over his chest and smirked.

"Oh just give it up," Sigyn sighed and looked upwards rolling her eyes.

"Do you see how she treats me?" Loki cried pointing at her. Sigyn looked over angrily at him and huffed.

"Moving on. How about you tell me something you like about your partner?" The woman winced as the two "lovers" glares settled on her.

Loki paused. "Could we perhaps start with an easier question?"

"Excuse me?" Sigyn's eyes widened. Loki crossed his arms and leaned back on the couch.

Rolling his eyes, the god of mischief said annoyingly, "You're excused,"

"Sigyn what do you like about Loki?" The counselor tried to avoid the obvious argument soon to come.

"Well I like his intelligence," Sigyn thought before resting her gaze on Loki who was still thinking.

"But just this morning I was dumb as an ice-cube..." Loki paused and glared at her pointing to the ice in their drinks.

"Shut up and let me finish," Sigyn grumbled back.

"Oh boy," The counselor rolled her eyes and took a sip from her wine. Swishing it around in her mouth, her thoughts trailed off as she watched the two lovers argue. _This wine is delicious! Oh, and I wonder what the new episode of The Big Bang Theory will be about tonight. Go team Jacob...oops wrong show. I should really get a new job. Look at that plant, it's a nice plant..._

"What do you like about me?" Sigyn asked Loki, her eyes softening and a sweet smile crossing her lips. Loki blinked and stared as if he was facing a demon. A demon with long hair. Loki looked her up and down, then focused back on her head.

"Your...hair?" Loki shrugged. Sigyn's eyes narrowed.

"That's it?" She replied menacingly. Loki gulped still staring at her hair.

"What traits do you like about your wife Mr...Laufeyson?" The counselor paused and sounded out the name silently a few times before taking another sip of wine. She could have sworn she had read the name in a Norse mythology book but she ignored the thought.

"Your intelligence?" Loki slowly said and leaned back against the couch. Sigyn clenched her fists as Loki slowly inched closer to the door. The red exit sign above the door looked like a gateway to a wonderful place. Or just a back door into an alley. Either way it was better than being stuck in a room with an angry Sigyn and an alcoholic counselor.

"Now you're just copying what I said!" Sigyn cried and threw her hands up. Loki watched her movements and pondered her words.

"Oh so only one of us can be intelligent? Well I'm glad its me," Loki mumbled and looked the other way. Sigyn began sputtering.

"You patetisk drittsekk!"

Loki slowly turned to face her, gaping. He clenched his fists at his sides. "Excuse me? I am a king! How dare you!"

"Ya the king of Diary Queen," Sigyn retorted.

"It's actually a very good job!" Loki yelled back, small beads of cold sweat forming on his forehead. The counselor watched, somewhat disturbed, then decided to focus her mind back on Pikachu.

"You're pathetic!" Sigyn screamed.

"Do you see how she treats me?" Loki cried for the second time.

"Sigyn do you mind telling me what ticks you off the most about your husband?" The woman quickly said trying to calm herself down. Her wine glass was empty and the bottle was beside the two angered lovers.

"Hmmmm...his obsession with being king, his daddy issues, his emotional problems, his moronic attitude.." Sigyn began then paused in thought.

"She didn't say multiple reasons!" Loki replied leaning forward in an attempt to say it to her face. Sigyn glared back.

"Ok, do you mind..." The counselor began watching the small blue nerve show against Loki's skull. The mans skin seemed to be turning a somewhat pale blue color and the counselors eyes transferred to the Avatar poster she had on the wall.

"I do not have daddy issues!" Loki said exasperated. Sigyn threw her head back and mockingly laughed.

"Oh please. Last night I caught you weeping at your desk!" Sigyn chuckled. Loki winced at the memory then looked at the counselor who was still staring at the poster.

"I had a paper cut..." Loki quickly replied.

"Even though there was no paper," Sigyn shrugged and rolled her eyes. Loki's lip trembled.

"Fine! You want to know the real reason I was crying? Because I fell down the stairs! I just didn't tell you because then I would be "pathetic"." He blinked his eyes a few times in an attempt to force some tears. His attempt failed. He swore quietly then looked sadly at his wife.

"We have no stairs," Sigyn annoyingly replied.

"Stairs, top of the mountain, same thing," Loki threw his hands to the sky. Sigyn blinked then looked out the window at the tall mountain in the background, imagining a scenario of Loki falling from the peak. She slowly focused her attention back on her husband.

"You fell off the top of the mountain?" Sigyn asked. Loki nodded.

"Yes,"

"What the hell were you doing!" Sigyn cried. Loki felt around his clothing trying to locate something.

"Trying to get service on my cell phone," Loki pulled the phone from his pocket which was covered in dents and scratches.

"You don't even know how to unlock it," Sigyn paused. Loki stared at the object.

"Can't blame a guy for trying." He shrugged.

"Moving on," The counselor flipped to a new page on the clipboard and began drawing a new assortment of characters.

"This is pointless. Why am I here?" Loki grumbled attempting to stand up. Sigyn pulled him back onto the couch.

"Because we paid for it," Sigyn grumbled. Loki looked at her with a beyond surprised look.

"Actually, you haven't paid for it yet," The counselor began. Both Loki and Sigyn looked at her awkwardly before Sigyn felt through her purse in an attempt to make it look like they had money. Loki was still staring at his phone.

"We will," Sigyn nervously replied.

"I thought we were broke," Loki whispered to her. Sigyn glared.

"Shut up!" Sigyn hissed. Their eyes met for a second as Loki's widened in realization. Slowly he looked up at the counselor and smiled nervously. "Heh,"

"Can you two actually pay for this?" The counselor raised an eyebrow. The two lovers tried to look insulted.

"Ha! Of...of course we can!" Sigyn sputtered. The woman rolled her eyes.

"I can tell when people are lying,"

"Oh please. How pathetic do you think we are? Of course we can pay! We can afford a damn mountain!" Loki angrily replied. The counselor met his gaze and nodded turning away to sharpen her pencil.

"Thank you god of lies," Sigyn whispered to her husband. Loki looked at her and leaned closer.

"You owe me,"

"I'm your wife," Sigyn tried to keep her voice down.

"Still," Loki grumbled. Sigyn glared but quickly looked back up when the counselor turned around.

"Let us continue. For our next activity we are going to pass around this rock. Every time you are in possession of it, you get to say something about your partner," The counselor held up a plain old rock. Loki blinked.

"A rock? What is so special about a rock!" Loki cried.

"Maybe it's a sacred rock. Now shut up and agree," Sigyn grabbed her husband by the collar of his shirt. Loki looked mockingly at the rock.

"It's a rock."

"Loki how about you go first," The counselor passed the rock to him. Loki held it in front of him and stared.

"Stop examining the rock!" Sigyn yelled.

Loki paused. "This is not a sacred rock,"

"I'm going to throw the rock at you if you don't say something," Sigyn pumped her fist at him. Loki gripped the rock and annoyingly faced her.

"Fine. You're too violent!" Loki replied, making Sigyn laugh.

"Oh I'm violent? This is coming from the guy that destroyed New York!" Sigyn replied. Loki crossed his arms.

"At least I didn't throw rocks at them," Loki grumbled.

"Ok Loki, pass the rock," The counselor stuttered.

Loki held onto it. "And another thing! I hate your nagging!"

"My nagging!" Sigyn cried.

"Loki?" The counselor blinked.

"And you're attempts to have power over me!" Loki continued.

"Just pass the damn rock!" Sigyn screamed.

"No! I am your king! I will hold the rock for as long as I want," Loki held the rock away from her. Sigyn sighed heavily.

"One night I let him be king and he acts like this!" Sigyn looked at the councilor who looked at her awkwardly, her eyes widening in disturbing realization. The counselor began dreading the day she ever left her parents basement.

"Let him be king?"

"Oh it's quite a long story," Loki began.

"And I don't want to hear it," The counselor stared at her clipboard and thought. _The basement did have a nice pool._

"Hah," Sigyn punched Loki in the shoulder. Hard.

"Ow!" Loki gasped. Sigyn stared at him with her eyebrows raised.

"Toughen up!" Sigyn chuckled. Loki's eyes widened as he clenched his fists. A small streak of blue came up from his shirt collar and spread across his neck.

"Toughen up! Toughen up?" Loki cried, his hands beginning to darken.

"Loki you're turning blue," Sigyn warned, reaching out in an attempt to calm her husband down. Loki's upper half turned blue.

"I am tough!" Loki yelled, jumping up from the couch and stalking across the room.

"Calm down," Sigyn stood up and reached out for her husband.

"No! I am tough! I am not weak!" Loki stopped, now entirely blue, and picked up the coffee table holding it above his head.

"Loki put the table down!" Sigyn yelled.

"Rahhhhhhw!" Loki tossed the table across the room as it smashed against the wall.

"Loki!" Sigyn screamed. Loki stormed across the room in an attempt to find something else to throw.

"I am not pathetic!" Loki cried again.

"Fine you're not pathetic now calm down," Sigyn screamed trying to keep her husband from throwing more furniture. The counselor peeked out from behind her desk.

"Your husbands a na'vi?"

"Frost giant!" Loki yelled and threw a chair against the wall.

"Loki!" Sigyn cried.

**CLUNK**

A hammer collided with the god of mischief's head sending him sprawling to the ground and against the wall. "Ow..."

"Thor is here. Now what seems to be the problem?" Thor held out his hand as his hammer flew back. Sigyn sighed.

"Can you please calm your brother down?" She pointed to Loki who was rubbing the swollen part of his head. Thor faced him.

"Loki, return to your Asgardian form,"

Loki's skin slowly started to face back to pale as he slowly sat up.

"Ugg, it feels like I've been hit by a hammer. Oh look, I was..." Loki rubbed his temple. The counselor slowly stood up and crept towards the wine bottle.

"Are you alright brother?" Thor stared at him. Loki swung his head from side to side.

"Mmmmmm,"

"What happened?" Thor asked Sigyn. She exasperatedly crossed her arms.

"She said I was weak!" Loki cried trying to smooth out his hair. Thor blinked.

"Well you aren't the strongest brother," Thor began. Loki clenched his fists as the blue returned to his skin.

"I'm not weak!"

**CLUNK**

"I'll leave him with you," Thor caught his hammer and flew back out the window.

"I was king..." Loki mumbled, swaying.

"Ok...that will be $400," The counselor peeked out from behind her desk. Sigyn faced her awkwardly and dug around in her purse.

"Oh. Ummm, k..." She continued fumbling through her bag.

"Do you have the money?" The counselor crossed her arms and seemed to reach for the phone, no doubt to call security.

"Of course we do...GO!" Sigyn grabbed Loki by the arm as he finally finished standing up and pulled him towards the door. The god of mischief turned and ran face first into the wall.

"Ow..." Loki stumbled backwards.

"C'mon!" Sigyn pulled him out of the room.

"Well I have just been hit by a hammer twice!" Loki called. The counselor paused for a moment before downing her glass of wine.

"I need a new job,"

"Ow!" A loud smack was heard and the breaking of drywall.

"Dammit Loki!"


End file.
